还是重雷区。。。看我以后带上满包的光虫和素材弓单闪死你们？！！
翻译错误或者不当之处欢迎指正，吐槽无趣请无视。
Today, I took a nap because I've been sick for the past week and I was exhausted. When I woke up, my hair, shirt, pillow, and bedsheets were soaked. I threw up all over myself in my sleep. FML
今天我被持续了一个礼拜的病搞的精疲力竭，就打了个小盹。结果醒来时发现头发，上衣，枕头，床单都被湿了，原来我在睡梦中吐的到处都是。FML
(你确定不是其他液体么。。。(逃))
Today, a customer tried to pay for a $1.55 cup of coffee with a gift card, but he came up a dollar short. He let another customer through while he fumbled in his pocket for money. I later noticed a dollar had disappeared from my tip jar. FML
今天一位顾客想用代金卡付一块五的咖啡钱，但还是少一块钱。于是他让下一位顾客先付钱，他则在一边掏兜找钱。过了一会我发现我的小费罐里少了一块钱。FML
(羊毛出在羊身上～)
Today, I realized that before I can legally drink, I will have been married, divorced, and pregnant. FML
今天我意识到自己就要变成结过婚，离过婚，怀过孕的人了。我还没到法定能喝酒的年龄呢啊喂！FML
(后生可畏。。。后生可畏啊)
Today, I came home from work to find my five year old daughter drawing unicorns on the wall. The same wall that I had to repaint last week because it had puppies on it. FML
今天我回家的时候发现五岁的女儿正在墙上画独角兽。我上星期才重刷了那面墙，因为上面都是女儿画的小狗狗。FML
(下个礼拜墙上就是钢达姆了吧)
Today, I went into labor with my first child, and as much as I pleaded, I had to wait for my husband to finish his raid in World of Warcraft before he'd take me to the hospital. FML
今天我就要分娩了，这是我头一次生孩子。可是不管我怎么求，我丈夫都坚持要在山口山里打完raid再带我去医院。FML
(LK不破，何以家为！)
Today, my boyfriend of eleven months broke up with me, but adamantly insisted I didn't move out of our apartment, because he can't pay the rent alone. FML
今天我交往快一年的男友和我分手了，但却死犟着不让我从房间里搬出去，因为他一个人付不起房租。FML
(人家。。。人家才不是想继续OOXX才让你留下来的呢)
Today, as my boyfriend was about to go down on me, he held his breath and said, "I'm going in!" FML
今天我男朋友正准备给我口[哔]。他屏住呼吸，说到：“基拉亚麻托，freedom,一基玛斯！(大雾)” FML
(抱歉我直接就想到这个台词了。。。)
Today, I found out that my husbands secretary named her new baby boy after my husband. Everyone at the office thinks it's funny. My husband says it's a coincidence. FML
今天我发现丈夫的秘书用我丈夫的名字给她刚出生的孩子取名。办公室里所有的人都觉得这中间有故事，我丈夫说这只是巧合啦巧合。FML
(名字一样，纯属巧合，如有雷同，也不负责)
Today, my girlfriend and I had an argument. She admitted she didn't know why she was pissed at me, but still is, and now she won't talk to me. FML
今天我和女朋友吵架。她承认她都不知道冲我发脾气的理由，但还是发了脾气，现在还不愿意和我说话。FML
(这就是女人啊女人。。。(叹气))
Today, I felt like spicing up our marriage, so I thought I'd surprise my husband when he got home from work. I put on my sexiest teddy, lit some candles, and laid on the bed. He walked in the room, looked at me for a second, farted, then asked me what was for dinner. FML
今天我想给婚姻生活添点情趣，就向在丈夫回家的时候给他个惊喜。我穿上最性感的套衫，点起蜡烛，然后躺在床上等他回来。他回来后走进房间，看了我几秒钟，放了个屁，然后问到：“孩儿他妈今天晚上吃啥？” FML
(噗)
Today, I got married. When my father gave me away, in front of hundreds of people, to my groom, he said, "She's your problem now." FML
今天我结婚了。轮到我爸发表嫁女感言时，他当着数百人对新郎说：“这个包袱现在是你的了。”FML
(。。。。。。)
Today, I was shopping at the mall with some of my friends when I saw an elderly woman in a wheelchair struggling with the handicap door button. I went over and pushed the button for her. She then ran over my foot and broke my toe. FML
今天我和朋友一起在商场购物，看到一位坐在轮椅上的老太太在费劲的按为残疾人设置的门按钮。我走上去帮她按下了按钮，结果她摇着轮椅从我脚上碾过，压伤了我的脚趾。FML
(好人现在逐渐变成了一个高风险的职业)
Today, I was eating dinner with a friend when a really hot guy came up and introduced himself. He told us he was vegetarian, and I wanted to impress him so I told him I was too. I was eating a steak. FML
今天我和朋友吃晚饭，一个帅哥走过来搭讪并开始介绍自己。他说自己是素食主义者，我想给他留个深刻的印象，就说真巧我也是啊，然后发现自己嘴里正嚼着牛排。FML
(你这个时候要露出粉红色的微笑才能消除违和感)
Today, while at my mom's birthday dinner, I started to pretend to drum with one hand, using my left leg as the drums. Everybody stared at me and started to yell. Now they all think I was masturbating. FML
今天在老妈的生日宴会上，我用左腿当鼓，向大家秀了一把单手鼓技。所有人盯着我看，然后喊叫起来----他们都觉得我在施法。FML
(魔法师神演技~)
Today, I found out my wife is pregnant. The problem is she convinced me to get a vasectomy two years ago. FML
今天我发现老婆怀孕了，可她两年前就让我去做了结扎了啊喂！FML
(。。。。。。)
Today, I lost my job. I was so upset that I put in my favorite mix CD of all the songs that get me feeling better. While scanning for my favorite song, I hit the car in front of me. FML
今天我是也了，心情郁闷，就找出自己最喜欢的混刻CD听，好让自己好过一点。结果就在选择CD里自己最喜欢的歌时，我把车装在了前面车的屁股上。FML
(找到了，这首“big bang”!)
Today, my boyfriend confessed his desire to have sex while I'm on my period. He calls it "bloody victory." FML
今天我男朋友承认他非常想在我来大姨妈的期间和我补魔，他称之为“浴血胜利” FML
(。。。。。。)
Today, I had an important job interview. The interviewer really seemed to like me. Instead of hiring me, he asked me out on a date. FML
今天我要参加一个很重要的面试，面试官貌似很中意我。结果到最后他没录用我，反而约我出去。FML
(那啥规则你懂得)
Today, I got a birthday card from my parents. It was my sister's from earlier in the year. They scratched out her name and wrote mine underneath. FML
今天我收到了父母送给我的生日卡。我说。。。这是早些时候你们送给我姐姐的吧，你们以为把她的名字涂掉然后在下面写上我的就算蒙混过关了么啊喂！FML
(哈哈哈)
Today, I learned that the cute pet name my boyfriend has been calling me for the past month is actually an acronym for "pain in the a**". FML
今天我发现我男朋友在过去几个月里一直用来称呼我的卡哇伊的爱称实际上是个缩略词，真正的意思是眼中钉肉中刺。FML
(是叫你芙蕾么？)
Today, I woke up after a dream where I got it good from no other than Schwarzenegger. The problem? I'm a guy, and straight. Apparently my subconscious has a fetish for old Austrian bodybuilders. FML
今天我做了个梦，梦里我和一位先生言谈甚欢，而他不是别人，正是施瓦辛格桑。我是个男人，性癖正常，不过看来我的潜意识里果然是控肌肉美大叔的啊。FML
(来，州长给你介绍个朋友叫海灵顿) |
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发表于 2010-12-6 12:51:49
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发表于 2010-12-6 13:04:00
