英文自介写好，请达人帮助

enyafan · 发表于 2006-2-15 19:44:54

Good Morning, teachers! My name is Li Longbo. I comes from . Busy though I was in this three years, A．C．G（ Animastion, Comic and Game ） and novels, especially fantasy stories, are always my favourite things. I enjoy writing very much, because i like the feeling of creating a new world, some new charactors and their journey. But unfortunately, from junior school grade one to now, I have sent my novels to many editors for whole six years, but always failed. Recently, a novel of mine about FFTA ( Fanal Fantasy Tactics Advance ) is welcoming very much at several professional game nets bbs, but when i want to send this novel, editor told me the essay posted on bbs cann't be picked. Ha! Anyway, there exists no things can stop my way, and I believe I will succeed someday. If I have the chance to do my beloved things, I will do my best to get some progress. That's my dream, and my goal of my eighteen years life. That's all. Thanks.

这是我申报游戏动画专业和多媒体专业的自我介绍，主要是讲述一下我比较有可述性的投稿经历。请大家帮我想想还有什么可修改的地方和文法上的错误，谢谢……

报名简章上写自介可以着重就荣誉、经历、爱好等来说，我没有什么荣誉，所以就糅合了经历和爱好……

fee · 发表于 2006-2-15 19:46:23

Li Longbo

游戏♀天使 · 发表于 2006-2-15 19:47:30

原帖由 enyafan 于 2006-2-15 00:44 发表
Good Morning, teachers! My name is Li Longbo. I comes from . Busy though I was in this three years, A．C．G（ Animastion, Comic and Game ） and novels, especially fantasy stories, are always my fav ...

Where you are come from?Come 不用+S
PS:LZ貌似米检查过吧?

游戏♀天使 · 发表于 2006-2-15 19:49:47

请LZ把完整版发上来再说...

映儿 · 发表于 2006-2-15 19:50:41

楼主这篇文……到底是做什么用？申请专业？那是啥碗糕？
就目前的文章来看，感情色彩太浓，稍微弄正式一点更好。另外不要加太多括号，尽量不要使用简写。

游戏♀天使 · 发表于 2006-2-15 19:52:03

原帖由映儿于 2006-2-15 00:50 发表
楼主这篇文……到底是做什么用？申请专业？那是啥碗糕？
就目前的文章来看，感情色彩太浓，稍微弄正式一点更好。另外不要加太多括号，尽量不要使用简写。

举例:象That's all之类的简语最好不要使用...
PS:如果LZ索一个自信男生的话.

[ 本帖最后由游戏♀天使于 2006-2-15 00:53 编辑 ]

GOO444 · 发表于 2006-2-15 19:54:28

申请的话，最好这句话不要写
But unfortunately, from junior school grade one to now, I have sent my novels to many editors for whole six years, but always failed.

游戏♀天使 · 发表于 2006-2-15 19:56:04

貌似LZ发完帖子就神游了...

enyafan · 发表于 2006-2-15 19:56:13

原帖由 hjwoni 于 2006-2-15 19:48 发表
I was in this 这里好象有点问题这里用here吧

这里没有问题，我起誓

enyafan · 发表于 2006-2-15 19:57:11

原帖由 游戏♀天使 于 2006-2-15 19:47 发表

Where you are come from?Come 不用+S
PS:LZ貌似米检查过吧?

这句我还没查到学校的英文名，该改该改……

游戏♀天使 · 发表于 2006-2-15 19:58:30

原帖由 enyafan 于 2006-2-15 00:56 发表

这里没有问题，我起誓

偶总觉得语法有些问题

enyafan · 发表于 2006-2-15 19:58:34

原帖由 GOO444 于 2006-2-15 19:54 发表
申请的话，最好这句话不要写
But unfortunately, from junior school grade one to now, I have sent my novels to many editors for whole six years, but always failed.

此举是为了突出我下面那句表决心的一直坚持下去……我觉得用真诚能打动考官吧，面试如果用好语气的话

enyafan · 发表于 2006-2-15 19:59:46

原帖由 游戏♀天使 于 2006-2-15 19:58 发表

偶总觉得语法有些问题

形容词+though/so+主语+谓语，我的确记得是这样的

游戏♀天使 · 发表于 2006-2-15 20:00:40

原帖由 enyafan 于 2006-2-15 00:59 发表

形容词+though/so+主语+谓语，我的确记得是这样的

你是想说:在这个忙碌的三年里吧?

fee · 发表于 2006-2-15 20:02:11

有几句有点别扭(个人意见)

>>are always my favourite things.
改成are always my favourites.

>>from junior school grade one to now,
改成since I entered junior school,

>> there exists no things can stop my way,
改成 nothing can stop my dream.

映儿 · 发表于 2006-2-15 20:03:45

楼主这篇是……面试用稿子？

游戏♀天使 · 发表于 2006-2-15 20:04:12

原帖由 fee 于 2006-2-15 01:02 发表
有几句有点别扭(个人意见)

>>are always my favourite things.
改成are always my favourites.

>>from junior school grade one to now,
改成since I entered junior school,

>> th ...

感觉第二句太有点CE的味道了

游戏♀天使 · 发表于 2006-2-15 20:05:05

原帖由映儿于 2006-2-15 01:03 发表
楼主这篇是……面试用稿子？

抄一遍...

映儿 · 发表于 2006-2-15 20:06:12

原帖由 fee 于 2006-2-15 20:02 发表
>>from junior school grade one to now,
改成since I entered junior school,

要改的话直接改成since 2000即可，多写无益，英语写作要求简单明了。

独行战士 · 发表于 2006-2-15 20:08:37

Busy though I was in this three years(不通顺)
charactors=>characters
there exists no things can stop my way... 应该是nothing can stop me
is welcoming very much at several professional game nets bbs(不可用is welcoming)

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